


creation story

by tsunafishsisyis



Category: Original Work
Genre: Creation Myth, Prompt Fill, lmao look legitimate tags, one the gods didn't pay attention in god school, the other did and is pretty annoyed by the first, there's reasons why aliens kidnap cows and draw crop circles, why am i posting this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 00:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7486998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunafishsisyis/pseuds/tsunafishsisyis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Long, long ago, there was a young god. It clapped and from that clap, a great space sprang into being. It was empty, so it thought of matter and great rocks that we know today as planets and moons appeared. It was dark, so it thought of light and the globes of gas and fire that we know today as stars appeared.<br/>And after that it looked around at this newly created but still rather barren universe and thought.<br/>“Um,” it said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	creation story

**Author's Note:**

> "writing-prompt-s:  
> With all of our differences in cultures, religions, gods, and theories we worship, there really is no clear explanation on how life was created, how our universe came to be. It turns out all of our theories and religions were far from the truth. Write about who or what created this universe and how."

Long, long ago, there was a young god. It clapped and from that clap, a great space sprang into being. It was empty, so it thought of matter and great rocks that we know today as planets and moons appeared. It was dark, so it thought of light and the globes of gas and fire that we know today as stars appeared. 

And after that it looked around at this newly created but still rather barren universe and thought. 

“Um,” it said. 

“Uh,” it said. 

“So… What do I do now?” it said. Well, okay, it didn’t really _say_ anything, because words didn’t really exist at that time, and it didn’t really have a mouth either, so it couldn’t say anything even if language did exist, and- yes Jeremy I know I said it clapped earlier and no it didn’t have hands and yes I know that you can’t really clap without hands or a body now shut up.

Ahem. So yeah, it didn’t actually say that, but that was the sentiment.

So the young god, blessed with the power of creation but evidently not that of imagination, decided to pay a visit to one of the friends it had made in school - yes there was a god school Jeremy I thought I told you to save your questions for later - and phased out of - okay well I’m telling you to save your questions for later now Jeremy now shut up - and phased out of its designated plane and into another’s, the plane in which another young god resided.

“Yo,” it said.

“I need your help,” it said.

“No, I’m not going to create your universe for you,” the friend said.

“Please?” the young god said.

“If I give you this, will you go away?” the friend said.

“Okay,” the young god said.

And so the young god’s friend gave it two things. One, a pair of magnificent beasts with patches of black covering their otherwise pure white bodies, and the other, a field of golden plants, which- you know what, fuck it. The god got two cows and a wheat field. I don’t get paid enough to use flowery language to describe a fucking wheat field. The cows were bad enough. Yes, Samantha, I’m more aware than anyone else of the fact that I don’t get paid at all, it’s the sentiment that counts, and Jeremy, I thought I told you to shut up, and why do you think aliens kidnap cows and draw crop circles? Yeah, that’s right. They _know._

“Now get lost,” the friend said.

“You’re the best friend a divine being could ever have,” the young god said.

“I’m not your friend,” the newly labelled not-friend said.

But the young god had already left with its gifts and did not catch the sentiment.

The young god phased back into its own plane and placed the cows and wheat field on one of the great rocks, where the cows promptly keeled over from lack of oxygen and the wheat field withered away.

“Um,” the young god said.

“Well,” the young god said.

The young god phased back into the not-friend’s dimension.

“I think they died,” it said.

“It’s been less than a minute,” the not-friend said. “What did you do, just place them on a rock floating in the middle of space?”

“…” the young god said. Or didn’t, whatever.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” the not-friend said.

And so the not-friend left its own universe for a while to save the young god’s world from the utter incompetence of its god, and that is how the universe was made, with cows, wheat fields, and a disgruntled god disgusted by the complete ineptitude of its not-friend.

**Author's Note:**

> #fuck off jeremy i only said to save your questions for later to get you to shut up#oh you wanna know what's not fair? me having to listen to you whine is what's not fair#shut the hell your mouth samantha i don't give a fuck#fuck you guys i'm fucking done with this shit good fucking bye losers


End file.
